Narcissistic Fleas

Narcissistic Fleas? What are they.

When you hear the word ‘fleas’, you automatically think of a dog carrying around some bloodthirsty parasite. It could not better describe what happens after decades and decades of abuse. I have ‘fleas’.

I was born, grew up and have spent over 30 years in contact with my abuser, my nMom. Such a long time that I have learned and mimicked some of her behaviors. Am I a narc myself? I certainly hope not. However, I cannot shake the idea that I often react to situations in a similar fashion that she does. I get frustrated very easily and start throwing tantrums out of nowhere. I feel very ashamed even to think about…

All About Narcissistic Abuse describes Narcissistic Fleas as ‘what occurs when an individual who has been in a relationship with a narcissist begins to exhibit narcissistic traits themselves’. I can recognize some of my nMom’s patterns in me, sadly. Without necessarily understanding them as they often clash with the belief and understanding I have of myself.

I found that a good way to identify them is to read about the fleas of others, and list yours.
A quick search for fleas on the r/raisedbynarcissists is a good start.

My current identified fleas are:

1. I suffer from low self-esteem (that’s a big one).

2. I have some level of self-loathing, thinking I am not good enough and undeserving of love or a good life.

3. I do not take good care of myself, beyond the minimum, or minimize my needs.

4. I used to seek out poor relationships where the partner would ignore me.

5. I feel as if I have to hide who I really am and wears a mask. I would, though, often hide the good sides of me.

6. I tend to self-sabotage, especially on the basis of not “being goood enough”. I t could happen at work or in my relationships if things seemed to go well. I felt I was undeserving.

7. I tend to be a perfectionist and will drag things out until it is perfect.

8. I talk negatively about myself and criticize myself harshly over even the simplest things.

9. I attribute my successes to external things or people and won’t accept that I was successful because of me.

10. I downplay the tragedies in my life and moments of hardship.

I will regularly come back and revisit my list. I will also compile a general list of fleas to help you identify yours.